I'm bothered

1.. I'm bothered that some little girl told my child that she was not pretty and that she was ugly and I wasn't there to retaliate. I'm bothered that I need to be the bigger person and ignore it.

2.. I'm bothered that a child I have never met is dying. I just cry every time I think about her and her family.

3.. I'm bothered that things bother me so easily.

4.. I'm bothered that I have no will power and can't diet to lose the 20 pounds I need to drop. And I can't justify spending the $$ on a gym membership because I know I'll never find the time to get there. But would love a 1/2 hour to spend on a treadmill or in a spin class. So I have to be happy with my brisk 2 mile walks most nights with my lovely neighbor.

5.. I'm bothered by stupid drivers.

6.. I'm bothered that my son can't sit still and behave during circle time.

7.. I'm bothered when I hear him say he doesn't have any friends and then quickly retracts that statement.. because I think he may really think that. And that makes me sad.

8.. I'm bothered that I can't finish this entry because it's time to go home.

So darn self centered

I realized even as I type this blog about my life that it's all about ME. My FB status, this blog, everything.. In my normal daily life I don't really put myself first at all. At least I don't think I do... I'm too busy putting everyone else first. Making sure everyone in my family is fed, clothed, clean, happy. Using my gift cards to dress the kids in the nicer clothing so when we go out I look like a schlub most days while they are decked in Gymboree etc.

As someone on the outside looking in and using only this blog and FB as a measuring gauge I'd look pretty damn self centered. I'm not.. really.

Beyond my imagination

I cannot fathom the pain that you feel when you lose a child suddenly. But to watch your baby suffer and slowly deteriorate and there is nothing you can do but hold, love and comfort that poor angel is unimaginable. I'm not sure why this one little girl touches me deeply but I cannot help but feel absolutely heartbroken for her and her family.

I came upon the blog about a baby Girl fighting for her life through a FB page referral. The referral said for every FB poster that becomes a fan of the Ruffle butts page $1 will be donated to a fund for Baby Layla Grace. So as most people probably did, I clicked on the blog for this beautiful little girl. And my heart stopped. A baby girl only 3 months or so older than my own sweet baby is dying.
Not a quick painless death, but in fact a long painful death as her family and friends pray for a miracle. She has been fighting Neuroblastoma for 10 months. And after all the surgeries and chemo and radiation and pain meds she is finally at home being loved and snuggled by her Mommy and Daddy until her Lord comes to welcome her into his arms.

Please keep this little angel and her family in your prayers.

http://laylagrace.org/

Calgon.... just kill me.

Don't take me away. Because then I'd have to come back. These kids are driving me to drink.. so on that note I'll be headed to Wegman's today to get the ingredients for the Dirty Hoe. I need a nice pint to savor in peace at home once the kids have gone to bed. It's got my name all over it :)

The kids are bored. I get it. Mommy is busy trying to make this house clean if not presentable yet again. So could you please just sit and do something quiet ? No. You need to run screaming thru the house sounding like a herd of elephants fighting over a dumb balloon.(which cause me to snap mentally and take the balloon and pop it) As I scream at you to be quiet because you might wake the baby.

I am waiting patiently for the days on which we can spend our hours outside socializing with the neighbors and having a few brews while the kids run themselves ragged. Until it is definitely too dark to be hanging because we can no longer see the kids. But Spring seems way off at this point.

So for now I will have to enjoy a beverage and issue timeouts.

"If I only had a Brain"

yeah.. I do. That's the problem. My Brain hurts. I've been seeing way too much of my Dr. lately. I despise forking over the co-pays so I need to be in some serious pain to even schedule an appt.

I go last week because I'm dealing with pain in both ears. In addition I had a splitting headache that 3 motrin only dulled. So I mentioned that to her also. I have fluid in both ears and an infection in the right. OK.. gimme some antibiotics. She asks me questions about my headaches. Yes....I have had them for a while now. No... pain intensity differs from day to day. Oh and I also have random aches and pains that make me feel really old.

So now I have to get some serious testing done.. a long sheet for blood work is the 1st thing to test for myalgias and rheumatoid issues among other stuff. And also a CT scan of my brain to make sure I don't have some sort of aneurysm or tumor or something in there. Loads of fun huh ??

To add insult to injury I can't even go to the radiology center around the corner in the evening some time. I need to go to the hospital between 8 and 3:30 because I have asthma and difficulties with iv's on occasion. I have to take some Steroid kit before the CT scan so I don't have some sort of reaction and die.

Awesome.

And I have to go alone. Even better.

Just do the labotomy and be done with it.

So blind.. (SURVIVOR SPOILER)

I'm only blogging to save the people that haven't watched from having the show ruined. No need to spoil it for everyone..

I just finished watching Survivor Heroes vs. Villains. What the freak happened there? I mean really the Villains can works together and the Heroes cannot ?? There is something seriously wrong there. The Heroes need to check their egos.

With that said.. I cannot understand why no one said "let's get rid of James because he's an ass". He was rude and condescending.. and the previews for next week aren't showing him in a better light at all.. He may just be on the wrong team.

I am loving this season.. lots of drama and the Villains really are nasty. I need it at least twice a week. :)


EDITED TO ADD:

OK.. now that I have some time. Stefanie is a whiner. But I'm not so sure she should have been the one to go at this point.. they need to be a TEAM and work together.. unfortunately.. they won' their egos are keeping that from happening. They are thinking too far down the road when they need to be thinking of winning the group challenges otherwise they won't be around to work their magic near the end.

As mush as I like alot of the Heroes and despise some of the villains I'd like to see Rob win.. He works his ass off and everyone else um... doesn't. Not Sure where Jeri is in this season.. except for showing up looking cute with the hat and red scarf. Courtney (the blonde) can go anytime.. I never liked that one..

I am wondering how Cirie made it to the Heroes side;.. truthfully.. I'd have put her on the other side.. LOL. but hey that's me.. I wouldn't be surprised if she made it pretty darn far.. everyone seems oblivious to her..

Seeing Russell and Rob get to the end and be up against Colby and J.T would be GREAT.. I want Amanda's ass handed to her as early as possible also.. I just don't like her and never have.. maybe she's too sweet for me.. either way, take her out

I'm coming to the realization that I may be on Team Villain when I thought I was rooting for the Heroes.. I suppose we can only wait and see how the cookie crumbles.. Tune in next Thursday ...

Oh what to do.

I've gotten the kids' Easter clothing in. Chloe is very excited to try her dress on and twirl. But wait.. is the zipper broken ? No. It's not going up so easily. Oh No. It's tight. I get it zipped and right around the middle it's a bit snug. I bought her a size 5 because let's face it.. she's no skinny minnie. Which is fine. She is 4 years old. But gosh darn it. A size 5 should not be tight. So now I start to worry about body image and childhood obesity. My mind is racing. What to do.. what to do .. I already have gymnastics class in the works but will that be enough to get her a bit healthier ? She is such a picky eater. Won't touch a single fruit or vegetable. Certain forms of the potato and tomato sauce are the extent of her veggie intake. So we just got her the V8 Fusion to get at least some into her system. I don't want to put her on a diet. Like I said she's 4. And I don't want her thinking she has to be skinny to be happy because that's not true either. She is active enough but her metabolism is ALOT slower than Aedan's which pretty much burns the food he eats as soon as it touches his lips.

I guess all I need to say is I'm worried. I don;t want her to have to deal with weight especially at such a young age. Someone needs to slap me and tell me she;s 4 she's allowed to be a little chubbier.. it's baby fat. I know this.. but the husband keeps pointing out the belly and giving me the concerned looks. Maybe I should just pop him and tell him I will worry when it's necessary. Or else I'll just take her on my 2 mile walks with the dog until it's nice enough on a regular basis to be outside an active again.. ugh... Spring can't come soon enough.