My Baby, The Birthday Girl.

April 3rd, 11:11 am, 2008 is when I welcomed my last baby into the world. At that moment I could never understand how someone so tiny and innocent could change a family in such a profound way. She made us whole and "just right". Alexa Paige Curtin is a sassy, stubborn and simply fabulous addition to an otherwise typical family. She stops us dead in our tracks and makes us think at every turn. She can match wits with the best of them on any given day and take down even the biggest and baddest with a simple smile and a glimpse of her dimples.

She is my shadow and as much as I'd love a break most days I would probably miss her constant chatter. Her inquisitive nature amazes me on a daily basis and she has a thirst for knowledge which I just love to feed. Her giggles are contagious and her hugs and kisses are never-ending.  She is my baby. She is turning five and I plan on doing my best to enjoy every minute of it.

One of THOSE Questions..

You know.. the questions we as parents dread. Not the "where do babies come from" question.. my kids think the Dr. cuts babies from everyone's bellies and that it's a normal thing. We'll just leave it at that.

Nope.. I got .. "Is Santa Real?" this morning from the 9 year old. I've been waiting for it. Expecting it. But still wasn't ready for it. I panicked and said yes. He said his friends said that their parents bought the gifts. I regretted saying it, and as he was walking away I asked him what he thought. He didn't hear me and I didn't bring it up again because the girls were around.

I have scripted a letter to him to try and discus the topic tonight after the girls are in bed. I want to get his take on the topic and I don't want him to get all cynical about it. I want him to understand that Santa and Christmas is about the magic and love and togetherness. And that as long as you believe there will always be a Santa. Real physically or not.

I hope my letter and our talk can get that across to him and also help him understand that his sisters are still young enough to have the magic.  And that he needs to keep it alive for them for a while.

Sandy Hook is Our School

On Friday, December 14th a terrible tragedy occurred that has affected me to my core.  Several times throughout the day I think of the children and how they could have been my own children. How Sandy Hook could have been our school. When I see overhead photos of the school I am taken aback at how similar it looks to our own small elementary school. The square shape with a courtyard in the center. A safe place for the children to learn and play. I cry often now, when I look at my 3 children, when I send them off to school, when I see a news headline. I can't control the ache in my heart for the children that died that day and for the adults who gave their lives trying to protect them. And the sorrow I feel for the families they left behind. All the lives lost, for what?  I want to know why but I know even that answer won't curb the heartache.

If I feel this way for all the people that I did not know personally then how could I ever hope to survive something like this if it were to ever happen to me. I can't fathom an answer as to how I would function from day to day. I suppose I would eventually do it to keep life normal for my family but there would always be a piece missing.. my heart would be forever broken.

30 Days of Grateful ? Or Simply a Ploy for Praise?

OK.. I get that some people are super thankful every day of their life and I know who those people are. I see them all the time. But this being the month we celebrate thanksgiving and being thankful for things I just can't get over the number of posts on FB. Maybe it's my cynical side coming out, yet again. But to post every day about something you are thankful for seems a bit overkill. Can't you simply wake up and say to yourself  "today I am thankful for _________" and call it a day? Why must you advertise your overly generous behavior and super thankful thoughts all over social networks for everyone to see? I get that it's a month long "challenge" to see if you can come up with something every day. So if that's the case then is it really something from the heart? Why not call the person you are thanking? Or stop by their house and thank them in person. Or are you just doing it so you can say "yeah I did it every day for 30 days"?  Shouldn't you be thankful every day of your life ? And not just for your extra chocolately mocha cappuccino from Starbucks or for being able to sleep in. But for real things like happy kids, and that your extended family has made it through yet another health scare. THOSE are the things I am thankful for every day of the year. Not simply during November in order to get through 30 days of some challenge on Facebook.

Maybe I'm just getting ornery and cynical in my old age, but instead of advertising I will simply be grateful for my own positives, pay it forward and be thankful that I have the ability to do so.

I Just Can't Take it

For the first time since joining Facebook I have a very strong desire to either block a long list of "friends" from my news feed or simply deactivate mya ccount. It's the presidential campaigning season. I despise politics. LIKE REALLY FREAKING HATE IT. If I want to know about my government and the goings on then I make it a point to do my own research. I do not rely on friends, loved ones and acquaintances to "teach", "instruct" or otherwise overload me with politics. And I really don't expect it in the place that I go to unwind and have fun like Facebook. FB is my "other" place. It's my getaway from work, laundry and the dull every day goings on that I deal with 24/7.  So when I tap on my FB app and the news feed is overrun with comments and threads about the political candidates and who is winning the campaign and consistantly updating during each and every debate I get a bit annoyed and just click closed until I have an alert that actually interests me.

Here's what I don't get... People actually think if they continue to rant and rave and bully their ideas and opinions at other people in every forum possible they will change someones's mind and bring them over to their own side. I don't think I've ever seen that happen. All I've ever seen is a constant bullying and ranting back with the oposing idea and opinion. And it continues and goes on and on and on .. It's a vicious cycle. Period. End of story.  Like topics such as Abortion and Gun Control.. there will always be 2 sides and there will always be a back and forth argument.. there will never be a Black and White. No one wins so why keep fighting? Why not attempt a truce and work together to find solutions to the issues at hand?? hahaha.. yeah right.. because that would be saying someone was wrong or made a mistake and we all know no one will do that.

9-11 Remembered.. for a day

Today is September 11, 2012.  Eleven years since that fateful day that changed every American's feeling of safety in our homeland. Social networks are lit up with "Never Forget" and photos of the twin towers and other such rememberances. That's all fine and good. I posted a short update regarding the day as well. But as I sit here I got to thinking. "Never Forget" .. Where are all these people on March 25th, June 16th or any other day of the year that is not September 11th? I see nothing reminding me of the tragedy and to Never Forget any other time of year. I am just as guilty. The only time I think of the events of that day is when I'm going through photos on the computer and I happen to see one of me and the Man on a trip to NY with the towers behind us. Then I stop to think.  But any other day of the year I don't really contemplate the day or how it changed our lives and I know I don't see any posts telling me to Never Forget around Facebook or Twitter. So,  my question is this, are we really remembering or just reminding each other because it's on the calendar?  Will we give another thought tomorrow, or next week, or two months from now?  Maybe we should try to "Remember" a little harder.

Can You Hear It?

It's the sound of that huge sigh of relief that is coming. Soon. Once the kids get on that bus and head off to school in just over a week.

That sound signifies a cleaner house, a lower electric bill, less fights, and a general sense of calm that comes with the everyday routine we settle into once September hits. Maybe calm isn't the word I should use. Because life isn't calm by any means. But it is "my" kind of calm. I enjoy a structured day.

So yes, we will be running to swim lessons on Sunday nights, CCD on Monday  nights, Soccer Practice on Tuesday nights, Gymnastics on Wednesday nights and soccer games on Saturdays.. but to me it will be a relief from the crazy days we've had all summer. It's been fun for them while it lasted but I've had enough.

The fighting from all the togetherness is getting to me. The kids fight much less when they don't see each other all day. And that is what I enjoy.