I have a long commute to work. My mind tends to wander and my train of though turns into a runaway train some days. That is what happened today. While sitting at a stoplight I was scrolling Facebook and thinking of what I can sell on the FB yard sale I am a member of when I came upon a blue glider. Here is where I derailed. I have a blue glider. I thought to myself " Oh, I could sell ours. It's in perfect condition. It just sits there." But then I began thinking some more. "But it was a gift." And then still some more thinking. " I could get some decent money for it and someone else cold enjoy it." And this is the site of the train wreck.. "Someone else could rock their babies in it. Just like I did." I go down to the rec room now, I'll see that glider and I'll sit down. I'll rock for a while and think about my babies, who aren't babies anymore. The smell of their heads at midnight while we rocked and I fed them. How we snuggled up all cozy and they couldn't get close enough to me nor I to them. Or how when they were just a teenie tiny bit bigger and I would rock them when they could not sleep and I still tried to hold them so close. Those moments flew by so fast. Oh how I wish I had them now. I steal kisses and hugs from the boy as he struggles to get away these days. He still let's me tuck him in at night but for how long? I will take as much as he will allow. The girls still let me hug and kiss them as much as I want and I do my best because I see what happens when I look at the boy.
Just one more night to rock my babies in the glider.. ahh.. what joy my heart would feel for just that fleeting moment. I think we'll keep it around for a while longer even if only so I can sit and rock by myself and remember the joy.
Flashpoints: Teens, Mental Health and Drinking
2 weeks ago