The Green Eyed Monster

I have never been one to be jealous or envious of others. I am happy with what I have.  But lately I have been envious. Downright jealous I will admit.  Friends and family that are pregnant and having babies have me fighting off the green eyed monster like nobody's business.

Oh to be pregnant again... The best time of my life was spent while pregnant or home with my babies.  I will forever cherish the time I got to spend carrying my babies and being at home with them after  giving birth.  I loved being pregnant so much that I truly miss it. I have no desire for more children. We are done with that phase in our life but my heart longs for those years back when I was pregnant with Alexa and I had Aedan and Chloe running around as little people. It was truly magical. Even better was after I had Alexa and I was able to spend the 3 months at home with all three of them. What a wonderful time. Crazy to think that spending 24/7 with a newborn, a 2.5 year old and a 4 year old was fantastic, but oh yes, it was glorious.

The kids are great now in a different way. They are independent and each have wonderful personalities that intrigue me. Our family is complete and I find myself so content and in love even more now than in the early days of marriage. Life is good. No, life is great. And even though I'd LOVE to have those tiny babies back for a little while so I can rock them and snuggle them I know that the kids now are just as good in their own right. And I will just have to steal my kisses and hugs at bedtime or while they are sleeping or even on their way out the door.  So be gone green eyed monster, what was I thinking?  I have no time for you, my babies are tall and gangly .. but they are still my babies and they are all mine.

Stick your Spirit

You know. I have a job. One that pays me to show up. One that keeps me from my children and my home for approximately 50 hours a week.  It pays very well and I kept it because I knew in  the long run it would benefit the whole family. So when I am not at that job I like to be with my family and /or do the things that I can't do while I'm working. Like clean the house. Run the kids to their activities and generally just run run run. There is literally no rest for the weary these days. Three kids can really run you ragged.

So when I posed a simple question about how to obtain some new spirit sticks for my daughters (to maybe give them for Christmas) I was really excited to get back a nice response telling me to volunteer at school in order to get a heads up on all the new ones coming out. Yeah that's sarcasm. 
 Yeah Sure. Let me use yet another non-existant vacation day to come into school to work the school store to get a heads up on the spirit stick inventory. Jesus H. Christ.  I do my best to volunteer my time & money to the school when both allow. And it usually calls for me taking time away from my job. That's fine because the kids enjoy me being there. I would do it more if I did not work outside the home.  I don't need someone telling me to volunteer. Isn't that the opposite of the definition of the word ?

I received an email a few weeks ago from H&SL with a sign up genie for lunches and a dinner during conferences for the teachers. Parents were expected to sign up to send in lunch and dinner supplies for the teacher. Pounds of cold cuts, different kinds of breads, salads, desserts, drinks, ice. For a few days and each meal was different. Drop off was only during school hours so us working shlubs had to make other arrangements IF we wanted to donate. WHICH I did. I was dropping off bags of ice on a Sunday night to someone's house. Simply so the teacher's could have a cold drink.  I suppose they couldn't concentrate on the conferences AND pack meals from home during those 3 days of conferences.  Either that or H & SL isn't selling enough Spirit Sticks to pay for the meals themselves.

Maybe they should send out the order sheet like I asked... then they'd have more $$$ coming in.  They'd have gotten at least $10 from me.

For the Love of the Game

When Basketball season was upon us the man and I heard that our Coach from last season had pulled a fast one and ranked Aedan low at the end of last season.  We were a bit surprised because Coach had already told us he was going to try to get Aedan back on his team again.  We (and others) came to the conclusion that he did this ranking simply so Aedan would not look good to other coaches therefore going later in the draft and making it easier for Coach to pick him up.  Other coaches knew it happened as did the commissioner. He was called on it and he denied any wrongdoing.  Nothing was done.  Some of the kids that he got back weren't the highest scorers but in an effort to get some of the kids that played together last season he took them in addition to a few new (to our team) players.

We didn't do anything about it. Our opinion was that he knew we knew what happened and the higher ups also knew.  We also did not tell Aedan what went on. He was simply happy to be back on a team with a few friends.  The man and I both kept the incident in the back of our minds.  Once practices and games started it took a little while for the kids to gel as a team.  Having extra voluntary practice /shoot around each week helped build skills and also helped all the boys to learn the numerous plays. Ten plays in all are utilized and  that's a lot of work for 4th graders. But they worked their butts off, learned their plays and quickly became a team.

Our boys went undefeated in the regular season. Some games were close and they really had to work hard to get the win and other games seemed to be won easily.  Even when the other team was gunning for them and when it seemed the refs were against them they managed to pull out a win. We are now in the Playoffs and still undefeated.  The coach gets as much information on the opposing team as possible so he knows how to line up our boys. He also continued some voluntary practices when time permitted.  Our boys are playing hard and it shows in the win column.  But now all the competition is calling "cheating and shady business " and trying to take away these kids' glory. Even going so far as to report "extra practices". Well I won't have it. The boys earned their spot. No one but those boys has earned the wins as a team. Not one single boy was responsible for the wins. They were the ones on the court playing their hearts out and they deserve to have that recognized.

They are in the Finals and I hope they show all the doubters exactly what can be done when you work hard as a team and put all you have out on the court. I'm looking forward to tomorrow's game, it should be a tight one with loads of action against a worthy opponent.

Fleeting Moments are Just That

I have a long commute to work. My mind tends to wander and my train of though turns into a runaway train some days. That is what happened today. While sitting at a stoplight I was scrolling Facebook and thinking of what I can sell on the FB yard sale I am a member of when I came upon a blue glider. Here is where I derailed. I have a blue glider. I thought to myself " Oh, I could sell ours. It's in perfect condition. It just sits there." But then I began thinking some more.  "But it was a gift." And then still some more thinking. " I could get some decent money for it and someone else cold enjoy it." And this is the site of the train wreck..  "Someone else could rock their babies in it. Just like I did."  I go down to the rec room now,  I'll see that glider and I'll sit down. I'll rock for a while and think about my babies, who aren't babies anymore. The smell of their heads at midnight while we rocked and I fed them.  How we snuggled up all cozy and they couldn't get close enough to me nor I to them. Or how when they were just a teenie tiny bit bigger and I would rock them when they could not sleep and I still tried to hold them so close.  Those moments flew by so fast. Oh how I wish I had them now. I steal kisses and hugs from the boy as he struggles to get away these days. He still let's me tuck him in at night but for how long? I will take as much as he will allow. The girls still let me hug and kiss them as much as I want and I do my best because I see what happens when I look at the boy.

Just one more night to rock my babies in the glider.. ahh.. what joy my heart would feel for just that fleeting moment. I think we'll keep it around for a while longer even if only so I can sit and rock by myself and remember the joy.

Drawing a Line.. and it's still a bit blurry

I am once again forced to put my thoughts down in  blog form so as to get my complete thought out without starting some sort of debate on a public forum. The song Blurred lines has been out for a while now.. over a month at least. And yet now, after the whole Miley Cyrus/VMA/Robin Thicke debacle is it getting a bad name. Does no one hear the lyrics of these songs they listen to anymore ? It has a catchy beat so it's great. End of story.  I don't see why Blurred Lines should be any different than any other song on the hit list that is disparaging to women. I've heard offensive songs coming from men and women alike and have yet to hear so much backlash. Except in this instance someone acted like a total sleaze while dancing to the song with said song's singer. And now everyone cringes. I recall dreading Salt n' Pepa's "Push It" coming on the radio when I was driving with my father simply because I was embarrassed by the lyrics. But there was no back lash for that. And I  certainly never heard anyone boycotting Nine Inch Nails for their song "Closer" . That is pretty damn offensive. "Blow My Whistle" is another example. My son started singing that simply from hearing it on the radio and because of the catchy tune. I finally had to tell him to stop. He didn't know the underlying meaning but I did and it pretty much grossed me out hearing it come from my nine year old. And those are just to name a few. There are so many offensive songs out that we sing along to and until some idiot does something to draw attention they are simply a song on the radio.

So why all the fuss over Blurred Lines? It's a song like all the rest. The physical acts during the performance on the VMA's is what is offending people. But if Thicke's wife isn't bothered then why should anyone be bothered for her. It's her marriage.The VMA's were aired on cable. Not Nickelodeon.  There is a reason I don't let my kids watch MTV.  Adult content. It's not music videos anymore and the awards shows are no different.

After all this, my point is if you're going to be offended by the song then that's all fine and dandy but you should have been offended before you were bopping your head to it for a month. And not after some 20 year old who wants to be noticed humped a married man on stage while he sang it.

The What Ifs

When someone close to you goes through a personal tragedy and it touches you as well it makes you stop and think. Recently this has happened to me and I have been doing a lot of thinking and self examination. I have been going through all the "what ifs" in my head over and over.  What if I die.. how will my children heal ? Will they remember my voice?  Will Jim be able to deal with them in a calm and gentle manner on a day to day basis remembering that they are fragile? Should I record messages to them in case I do die so that they have my voice to listen to for those times they are feeling especially lonely ? Do I make up keepsake boxes for each of them from myself with notes and other special treasures of our time together so that they don't forget about me so quickly?

What if.. what if is such a broad question and it can encompass so many kinds of emotions. I think about all the what ifs so often that sometimes I can't not think about them. So in light of recent events I want to make my what ifs happier ones.

What if we go to the gardens and play tag and hide and seek and I take pictures of them and hey..  maybe I'll get photographed as well. What if we stop at the playground while we are out running errands simply because we can. What if I say what the heck and give them a milkshake before dinner. What if I let them stay up a bit later to watch a show they are enjoying on a school night.

The what ifs can be very powerful things. But I'm beginning to learn that they can also empower you to do more and feel more of the good stuff.

My Baby, The Birthday Girl.

April 3rd, 11:11 am, 2008 is when I welcomed my last baby into the world. At that moment I could never understand how someone so tiny and innocent could change a family in such a profound way. She made us whole and "just right". Alexa Paige Curtin is a sassy, stubborn and simply fabulous addition to an otherwise typical family. She stops us dead in our tracks and makes us think at every turn. She can match wits with the best of them on any given day and take down even the biggest and baddest with a simple smile and a glimpse of her dimples.

She is my shadow and as much as I'd love a break most days I would probably miss her constant chatter. Her inquisitive nature amazes me on a daily basis and she has a thirst for knowledge which I just love to feed. Her giggles are contagious and her hugs and kisses are never-ending.  She is my baby. She is turning five and I plan on doing my best to enjoy every minute of it.