Friday, October 24, 2008

Independent to a Fault

I just can't understand my own mind sometimes. I refuse to relinquish power. I have this physical (albeit irrational) need to do everything myself rather than ask for help. If help is offered I sometimes will accept depending on what it is. Those instances usually involve cooking. I hate cooking. But for me to flat out ask for help. Never.
I came to this realization after giving birth via c-section to my son. The day I got home I went in to sit down and *pop* *gush* I stood up and I looked like an extra from a cheap version of a horror flick. Long story short I popped my incision and required many more Dr. visits, wound care visits, etc. than normally required after giving birth. And because of the section I could not drive. This lasted for 10 weeks. Which meant I needed help. It nearly killed me to have my Mom coming to help out on days that I had appointments. I wanted to be able to do everything myself like I had always done. I literally broke down crying one day because I had to have help. She looked at me like I was insane. I'm not insane.. I like doing things for myself and I like things done my way. It's the OCD I suffer from .. my way or the highway.. god forbid I need Jim to bathe the kids for me or do some cleaning. I can't even give him those simple chores to do because I know I will end up watching him and telling him how it should be done. I guess that's my biggest problem. I want things done the way I want things done. So I do it all myself. My world is a better place when things are done the right way.. my way.

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