It's a Balaclava Charlie Brown

- and other things I've learned this year - 2010 a year in review.

1. I learned that a dog can be housebroken.
2. I learned a child is a little more difficult.
3. I learned that a boy can easily do a 180 from one school year to the next for which I am extremely grateful.
4. I learned that dogs have butts and other familiar body parts the same as humans.
5. I learned that Diwali is the Hindu Festival of Lights celebrated around the same time as Christmas and a symbol associated with it is a swastika.. yeah.. learned that the hard way and from a 7 year old, but still it's something I learned.:)
6. I learned that those all in one hat/mouth covered/scarf thingy's are called balaclavas. And I learned this after searching for one in stores for over 2 weeks so I can run in the cold air without killing my lungs.
7. I also learned they sell out at Christmas time and you can only find them in random ski shops online after Christmas.
8. I learned that my body CAN run for 3 miles and not die afterwards.
9. I learned that a healthy family relationship isn't solely centered on the family.
10. I learned that my husband does not want to be me. Not for a day and not for a week. And that is why he spoils me.
11. I learned that I can see my Mother almost every day and still love her dearly.
12. I learned that I am extremely grateful for my three children because when I am old and gray I will hopefully have loads of family to visit with on holidays.
13. I also learned that I prefer to be home with my kids than not home even if they drive me bonky when I'm with them.
14. I learned that I have an awesome job. And I am grateful for the work. Even if it sucks when I have to work when loads of other people are off.. namely my husband.
15. I learned that I LOVE the rush I get from helping others.
16. I also learned that I love taking pictures of my kids just as much now as I did when they were babies.
17. I learned that some dreams DO come true.
18. I learned that the minivan can hit 90 easily on the turnpike and still be in eco drive which saves on gas.

19. And I know I don't need to have any resolutions in order to do something I want to do.

Happy New Year everyone.. I hope you've learned a few things as well in 2010.

A Rushed Update

Since I am about a week away from Christmas I don't have the time or energy to post a full, thought evoking blog so I'll bring you up to date with photos. :)

I'll be back shortly after Christmas to go over the year and look ahead to the new year.







On that note.. Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night..

The New Me.

I haven't been this in shape since before I had Aedan. And even then I had gained weight from all the fertility meds and stress I was dealing with. After 6 months of weight loss, watching how much food I'm putting in my body, and walking and/ or running a bit, I have surpassed my weight loss goal and am only 3.5 pounds away from my bonus goal. I don't diet. So don't get me wrong. I am certainly not starving myself. I still snack at 10 pm if I want. I eat what I want.. I just don't do it alot. :)

If this sounds like I am tooting my own horn then so be it. Toot toot. I haven't been in size 4 jeans since Chloe was about 1. I can finally get all my super cute jeans back on my body and not worry about the button shooting off and taking someone's eye out in the process. The down side? Some of my other super cute stuff is a tad bit large. And that really stinks.

I feel great. I am thinner and smoke free. It's gonna be a great year.

As the lyrics go

"it's my party and I'll cry if I want to..." It's truly been one of those days. Pretty much sucks and I can't wait for the day to be over. Usually how days like this go anymore.

That's alot to say.

I was browsing the old blog posts and noticed I posted 117 times in 2009. WOW. I had alot to say I guess. Because there is no way I'm getting close to that this year. Oh well. There is always next year.

My Birthday Boy

About ten years ago Jim and I decided we'd like to to have kids and began the long, fun, exciting and sometimes extremely heartbreaking journey that ended with a screaming baby boy named Aedan. On this day 7 years ago my life was changed forever more. I was finally a Mother. I couldn't contain my joy it flowed out of me in my tears of joy first when the Dr told me I was pregnant and then again when she told me "it's a boy!". I would never be the same from that moment on, and I couldn't have been happier. I'd sit there in the hospital bed with him all by ourselves and snuggle with him and think "He's all mine". I still do on some days when he looks at me with that certain goofy grin or surprises me with some interesting fact that I figured he could never have known.

He's my first born. My only son. My Aedan. Happy 7th Birthday to my Monkka Monkey, my Boog. I hope you continue to explore and crave more knowledge. Stay funny and silly and always look for the fun stuff.

I must be nuts.. certifiable.

The boy wanted a "Friend" party this year for his birthday. We've been putting this off simply because he hadn't really had that many friends close to home and we were trying to avoid the expense. Well this year he has lots of friends. Unavoidable. That is not so much my problem.

My problem is this. I am up to me ears in plans. Plans for the Friend Party. Plans for the Family party that is to take place 2 weeks PRIOR to the friend party. The family party is a combined birthday party for Aedan and Chloe just for family. Nothing major. Dinner, cake and ice cream and no theme per say.

Have I mentioned I HATE planning parties? I despise it. No I take that back.. I love planning them when I have time and loads of money to do it. None of which I have at the moment. I just quickly wrote up the menu for the family party. Anyone hear the words "you get what you get and you don't get upset" lately?

Luckily the Friend party will be at Bounce U so all I need to do is cake and party bag. But I'm working with a Lego Star Wars theme and wouldn't you know it.. there is no party supply on earth for a Lego Star Wars Theme. So I am making EVERYTHING from scratch. Invites, because the ones they give you at Bounce U just aren't enough and handcrafted *themed* party bags for the little ingrates.

The kids at the family party get halloween candy bags because it's the day before halloween and I have a bunch already stuffed for Aedan's class and was just given a note that certain parents are responsible for certain things for his party and I am not one of those parents.. wel la di da. Suck it. I send in the pencils and call it a day. But I digress.

I Hate parties. Oh and then I am having company on Halloween.. just my sister and her family to trick or treat but it's a big deal here so we'll have food and drinks and it's like a block party.. so there's more planning of sorts.

I really need to get my ass in gear. Hell. At least I got 1 menu written up.

Happiest 5th Birthday to my Chloe Baby

October 14, 2010 - Five years old?? Really ?? Has it been that long since I brought her home on that warm autumn day to see her big brother? Some days I wish she were that baby again especially those days when her mouth and attitude are bigger than they should be. And some days I am happy to keep her right where she is. Helpful, pleasant (most of the time), sweet, and caring. And yet she can be the strongest most stubborn child I have ever met. In some instances this can be an asset. When she uses them to fight me I can't say I truly appreciate it.


She has a quick wit and can laugh right along with us at her own jokes. You can't help but laugh when her whole face lights up and those dimples scream at you. Day after day I look at her and I see myself. I realize those words uttered by my Mother years ago have come to fruition. "I hope you have a child just like you one day." Well I do. She's happy and sweet and funny and cute and I could go on and on. But she is also the instigator. And the tattletale and the town crier and the Mayor. Not sure I was all those things but I think I grew out of them. She has a shriek that can break a window and a whisper that can tickle your cheek. She can look like an angel and when she turns around you see where she hid the horns. She's my Chloe and I wouldn't have her any other way. She certainly makes my life interesting.


Today is the day I wish my princess the best birthday ever. I hope all your dreams come true. So reach for the stars and if you have trouble getting ahold of them drag over the stool or the chair like you do here at home when you can't get to the candy jar. Mommy Loves you Chloe. Happy 5th Birthday.

If you don't have anything nice to say

Some people are simply negative. And that's it. Never a nice thing to say. They can't open their mouth with a criticism or a nasty thing to say. I call that Toxic.

It's even worse when it's an adult and it's aimed at children. Seriously. Does it make the person feel really good to pick on a child all the time? It must be, because I can't see any other reason to do it.

To step back from a situation and see that 99.9% of the time the response /reaction is a negative one you get to thinking "There's something wrong there."

Feeling a little nostalgic

We had our community yard sale yesterday and I took the opportunity to rid my home of all the toys and junk that clutters it on a daily basis just being moved from one spot to the next with now real home. I was happy to clear ou the corners and give someone else something to enjoy because we simply don't have the room. The kids get so much at birthday and Christmas and other holidays that we seem to overflow. And they just can't play with it all. So I tagged a lot of it and put in n the driveway with the hopes of making some dough.

I sold a lot of the toys. Heck I sold alot before I even had most of it outside and set up. Some people just don't get the whole time frame on the sign thing. While gathering sale items I threw out a bunch of things also. Broken things, games without pieces etc.

There is one big thing that did not sell.. the nursery set. I felt a little sad putting it out in the first place but it is in such good condition that I felt it would be nice if someone could use it. I just don't know anyone personally that can use it so my option was to sell it. The only thing missing was the crib bumpers because they ripped and were faded from washing over 7 years. I kept looking at it sitting there on the table.. the lamp, the quilt, the wall hangings and book ends. The picture frame and pillow all part of my babies' room for the 1st few years of their lives. I kept getting compliments on how nice it looks and what great condition it was in. Well yes. I got most of it as gifts for my baby shower so I try to take good care of my things. I had already given the cradles bedding that matched to my sister for her baby on the way so that wasn't in the pile. I'm just a little disappointed that no one wanted it because it just reminds me of when my babies were tiny babies and I am so happy when I have itty bitty babies.

Anyway.. I am now trying to figure what to do with it all. The local Goodwill store wouldn't take it so now I guess I'll look into consignment even though I really couldn't be bothered with that. I'd rather find someone that needs it to give it to. Oh well.

I have two boxes of toys to drop off at Day Care that didn't sell also. They always like when I show up. They've missed my girls so I can give them an update on how they are doing and visit with the teachers as well.

I Wonder

I often wonder what would happen if I came home and did minimal chores and then proceeded to sit in the big ol' recliner with my feet up while my significant other continued to do chores and other house/family related things on his feet for the next 4-5 hours before actually sitting down.

Hell would freeze over. That's what would happen. Because that would never in 300 million bazillion years. Unless I was dead. Or hell froze over.

No need to wonder anymore. People ask me why I stay up so late when I have to get up so damn early in the morning. Well that's because I have to unwind before I go to bed. I can't simply stop what I'm doing at 9 or 10 pm and then go to bed. I need to unwind with a book or some senseless TV or some facebook time. Because being at work all day and then coming home to the stresses of all that and then just going straight to bed doesn't work for me.

I'd love to just come home and relax, but I suppose being a Mommy/wife/homeowner/ cleaning lady/dogowner/homeworker helper/lunch maker/accountant/and whatever else needs to be done, isn't taken into consideration. Such is life.

Don't get me wrong. He does the dishes and walks the dog and reads to the kids while I do the rest. I just wish some days someone would take over "the rest".

I also wonder what goes through his head as he watches me on my feet for those 4-5 hours as he is sitting there with his feet up. And then chastises me for yelling alot ?? wow.. there's some balls. Brass ones. But I guess that's just me being bitchy.

Run Forrest Run

yeah I know I'm not Forrest but I love that line. :) I'm preparing to run the 5K in the Race for Hope on November 7th. I'm almost doing it more because Jim said "you'll never make it" which of course makes me want to do it even more. Trying to actually run and not die in the process has been difficult to say the least. Actually getting a mile in one shot under my belt wasn't happening. I'd start out running, stop and walk for a bit then run and walk and so on. I'd go for 2 miles but only really run about a mile of it when all was said and done.

My biggest issue is my asthma. With this humidity I am having trouble controlling my breathing. And it seems I was running too fast.

Last night I took the run slower and controlled my breathing.

I managed 2 miles without stopping and without dying. Now there is an accomplishment. I only need to get another 1.5 miles added to that in the next two months in order to make the 5K. I hope I can manage it.

First Grade

We go through a bunch of firsts. Today we experienced a few. It was the first day of first grade. A week before Labor Day I won't go into it because that's another post in and of itself.

Right off the bat we could tell Aedan was nervous this morning. Hell, I was nervous for him. All day as a matter of fact. But that also is another post. This was his first day of first grade. An all day affair. With lunch in the cafeteria. We packed lunch today because the menu didn't appeal to him. He only gets about a half hour to eat so we thought bringing would be easier. Seems not to be so. So tomorrow he'll buy and we'll see how that goes. I'll tell him to be fast about it and not to futz around. If all his lunches are that quick I won't have to worry about him blowing the cash reserve on ice cream treat day in and day out.

We waited at the bus stop with hoards of people because this year they switched our neighborhood to morning kindergarten. So all the littles were there as well. It was NUTS. In the madness of a late bus for the bigger kids arriving right behind the just as late bus for the elementary kids Aedan got turned around and almost got on the middle school bus. So glad I was paying attention.

All day long I was nauseous thinking about what he was doing and how things were going. When I finally got to the stop to get him at 3:45 he gets off the bus with a grin and a "geez, don't make a fuss" look on his face I felt better. He had a good day. He doesn't have any homework except to bring work home for me to do. It's amazing the amount of paperwork they still send home for being so "green". I have about 6 forms to fill out and send back. I forgot about all the little extra stuff they get from you at the start of school. I need to schedule his physical and his dental exam soon and write a few checks already. He has a planner. I didn't get a planner til I was in college prep school. Certainly not first grade. I guess that's a good thing but it seems very organized and not very .. um.. well.. fun. He in the big leagues now.

He already has Friday off for a long Labor Day weekend and next week is Picture day and an Ice cream social so he can get reacquainted with his friends in a more social setting. We also have Back To School night so we can meet his teacher, view the class and hopefully meet the other parents. I have issues with other parents. I always feel like an outsider. Like they are all best buds and I'm intruding so I hang back and just observe never wanting to be he annoying Mom. I have issues. I suppose I should get over it. I am hoping a few volunteer gigs for parties and such will get me over the hump..


That's Day 1 in a nutshell or a large suitcase. I'm sure there will be more to come.. if you know anything about our life.. there is always more to come.

Laughter

Ever just start laughing at something funny that wasn't super funny but still funny enough that you laughed? And then you laugh even harder and can't stop and tears start rolling down your cheeks and you start snorting because you're trying to stop laughing. Which in turn makes you laugh more.

That's fun.

So Cool

Yeah that's me. Well only because the temperature in my living has dropped about 20 degrees in the past 4 hours. And I'm loving it. The transition from summer to fall is my favorite. Moving from hot to cool and going back to school has always appealed to me. Maybe it's the newness of everything. The clean slate you get with each new school year. The smell of all the new pages in a marble copybook. The crisp clean air that blows through the windows on a lovely day. I just love everything about it.

Aedan started his fall soccer season today. In the cool rain. It was about 67 degrees and raining for his 1st practice which makes things interesting and fun and muddy. I like fall soccer. Sweatpants and a sweatshirt cheering him on and taking pictures with the beautiful fall foliage in the background. And not sweating or eating gnats the whole time. That is definitely a bonus.

We have a few more days til school starts and I'm starting to get excited for Aedan. He'll be a 1st grader. All day school with lunch. He'll be getting the bus from home this year thanks to my Mom so he can sleep a bit later and have a good breakfast before school. It's a wonderful thing. We went last night to get him new sneakers. Headed up to the outlets because I wanted Adidas shell toes to try and avoid an early sneaker death. So I find them and he was less than thrilled. He seems to have the Cosgrove boy sneaker gene. And if no one knows who the Cosgrove boys are and what that gene is I'll enlighten you. The Cosgrove boys are my cousins Paul and John. They like their sneakers. They liked them clean and new. They also liked them flashy. Meaning : patent leather and or dark /multi-colored. So he's sulking because the ones I tell him he has to get are white with navy blue stripes. BOOORING. So I make him a deal only because the sneakers are buy one, get one 1/2 off and he kills sneakers. If he has 2 pair they may last a bit longer. So I say, "If you try on and let me get the white ones you can pick another pair yourself." Deal. Oh boy.. I went on to regret that statement. He tries on and walks around. Great. He then shows me what he wants.....
Black and Red patent leather high tops with white stripes.
Um.. really?? Are you sure you don't want these other silver runners?? Or these red and silver cross trainers?? NO ?? You HAVE to have these ?? But they are BLACK and RED and SHINY. So I let him try them on. As soon as they were on the scene from a movie where some magic shoes makes the person wearing them dance everywhere flashes through my mind. He starts running around. Big shit eatin' grin across his face doing cartwheels and running up the walls doing half flips. I couldn't believe how damn happy he is just because of a pair of $17 sneakers that I hated. I no longer hate them as I can see how happy they make him. My only rule: You have to wear the white ones on the 1st day of school. :)

So now we only have a few more supplies to pick up in order to be ready for 1st grade. The rest is all emotional. Mostly for me, I'm sure he's ready.

Monet She Isn't

OK. We get home after 9 pm from visiting Peg and the kids. Bittersweet. It was nice to talk and remember Tom.

I get the kids bathed and I'm cleaning up the bathroom when Chloe walks in all upset and she has a splash of purple nail polish on her forehead. I say "why do you have nail polish on your forehead? She doesn't answer as per her usual M-O. I ask again.. "what were you doing with the nail polish?" Still nothing. So I tell her she had better not have gotten it on anything blah blah.. She is getting increasingly more upset and Jim is now getting louder and heading downstairs to find the offense. I tell him go to bed because if you yell we'll never know what happened. It's after 10 at this point. I just want to know what she ruined so I can get some peace and quiet. I tell her I won't get angry or tell Daddy just tell me. So she whispers "I painted your dining room" I am stumped because I looked in there and didn't see anything.

So I take her into the dining room. "Show Me" . She pulls up the table cloth and points to the pedestal leg. I bend down and look.......



Here's where it gets fuzzy. I think I passed out. I think I had a stroke. I think I had a coronary, died and then was revived by the fumes of all the godamn purple nail polish. I quietly told her she is so close to death she had better get her ass to bed before I take care of it. And that she is lucky Daddy doesn't know because she'd be in way more trouble than I'm about to give her. No nail polish on fingers or toes til she turns 6. No exceptions. She's hyperventilating. I tell her if she keeps that crap up then Daddy will find out because he'll ask why she's upset and I'll flat out tell him.

I got her to bed without incident (lucky her)and proceeded to go downstairs and figure out how I'm going to get it all off without stripping my damn table. Oh my god. I mean she painted the hell out of that leg. And when I say pedestal leg I mean 3 foot around pedestal leg. She painted a good 6 inch square section including autographing her work. I guess so as not to mistake the artwork for her brother or sister's crap scribble. I wiped with remover and quickly wiped with a wet paper towel and kept doing it til it was all gone. It certainly isn't shiny anymore. Most of the finish is off in that section. Luckily it's in the back and usually covered by a tablecloth.

I should have taken a picture before the cleanup so I could torture her with it as an adult so she knew how she took 3 years off my life when I was 36..
but I was stunned so I wasn't thinking straight. And in a motherly instinct of trying to protect her offspring I didn't want the man to find the picture. She's one lucky kid.

Thomas J. Smith Jr

Thomas Joseph Smith Jr., August 18, 1958 ~ August 16, 2010.

May he rest in peace.

I'm participating in the Race for Hope in Memory of Tom. I have 11 weeks to get in shape to do the race part rather than the walk.

Race for Hope

I'd like to share something my nephew wrote about his father..

Mostly everyone who knew my dad could tell how much of an impact he made on the world. My grandmom swears that, every since he was a little kid, he changed everyone he knew. And I believe her with all of my heart, he has done everything in consideration of someone else and always helped other people, even if it cost him. Not only has he been the best father to Sierra and I, but I know he's been the greatest husband, and son, and brother, and friend to everyone else around him. My dad has been one of the most important people in my life and I know that other people will agree to the same thing. Somewhere along his travels of the world he must have stumbled upon eternal youth because before all of this started happening, he never grew up. He would always play in the pool or ride dirt bikes with us or just hang out, he was a different kind of dad. I never got embarrassed of him, he had a style all of his own and every day i was proud to call him my dad. Another thing that he found that most can only hope to find some day, is true love. I have never seen any two more in love than my parents, anyone who knows them will agree to that without a doubt.

To me he was the perfect role model. He taught me everything that I've tried to be. Kind, Friendly, Helpful, a Leader. Through his example I've seen that life can be enjoyed without things like drinking or smoking. Never once has he done that and I've seen him have more fun than most of the people I know. My dad is more than just a role model or a great father to me. He's one of my best friends. All my life I've had him to turn to when in need and he has always been there to help. Never once has he let me down in life. We've shared so many things too, a love for xtreme sports, a love of cars and hunting...the list goes on. I could go on forever about the adventures we've had together. We almost died when we were on top of a mountain during a lightning storm. We've had some of the most incredible stories and I've always been so glad to tell people that: "yeah, that's my dad." Of all the people who have admired his strength and kindness over the years I am still his biggest fan, I've lived watching him and wanted to be like him from the very beginning. I still hope that some day I can be as amazing a father to my kids as he's been to me. He's the greatest dad to ever live in my eyes.

And now on to the sad part (sorry i need to let out my emotions somehow so you all know how I feel about this). Over the past year since he was diagnosed (July 17) and had his first surgery (July 23), I've had a lot of time to thing about how things might turn out in the end. Now with the end not far from sight, I know what I am going to face someday. I realize that my dad won't be there to watch me graduate high school or college. Or to see me get married. Or walk Sierra down the aisle. He wont be there to know or watch our grandkids, they'll be born not ever knowing the great man that i call "dad." It shakes me to my core when i think about things like this and i get so upset, but it's something I know will happen and that I must accept.

The thing is, a day wont go by where I dont think how great my father was. I'll never forget all of the amazing times we had together and all the crazy stories. Someday my kids will know that their grandfather was someone to be proud of, just like I am right now. My dad's fought this disease hard and sadly it seems like he's losing. My mom and I sit there every night and talk to him and listen to him breathe just to know it's still happening. Every single night I tell him I love him and how he's the greatest dad in the world. I hope everyone got a little something out of reading this and now knows a little bit of how i feel about life right now. Looking at old pictures of him make me laugh and cry at the same time because I know how amazing he has been his whole life but i'm gonna miss him every day he's gone from mine.



Everyone do me a favor if you can, leave a comment. Show my dad your love because I know my mom will read this to him and then he'll know how truly loved he is by everyone. Even if you dont know my dad, just extend out a little love towards me and my family, like this or comment on it. Every day we fight this disease together and the more love we get, the less it hurts to keep going. One more thing, if you can: please go hug your dad right now just to let him know how much you love him and how fortunate you are for having him in your life. No matter how close or distant you are, nothing is greater than a father's love for his kids. I love you Dad, I couldn't have asked for a better father. You're the greatest.
He never learned how to grow up. But when you're having so much fun, who needs to grow up?



Rest In Peace Dad, you'll remain forever in our hearts.

August 18, 1958 ~ August 16, 2010

The End is Near

It's August 15th and the summer is on it's way out. In the old days summer wasn't over til after Labor Day because that is when school started. Now school starts on August 30th so summer ends much too soon. Kids barely get 3 months of summer anymore. I'm waiting for the 12 month school year to be instituted. That would truly SUCK.

So we are in full Back to School mode in Casa de Curtin. Supplies are being purchased, clothing is being bought, washed and hung in the closet. We checked the school website and found out the name of Aedan's first grade teacher. She has a good reputation and I hope Aedan takes well to her and does well in her class.

We have decided to keep my Mother on as the kid's caregiver. Since she is still gainfully unemployed she had taken on the child care task for the summer. The kids could sleep in (not that they did) and they could swim or do whatever with her all day long rather than get dragged out at 7 am with me to go to the day care center. It was a win-win situation. I saved over $200 a week, she made some $$ while unemployed and the kids were home. Now we were faced with a child care cost of $517 when you add up the girls and Aedan before and after care. So Jim posed the question of whether she'd like to stay on to get Aedan on and off the bus and care for the girls. She said yes. So for now, until she finds a real job we are golden. :) I am excited for Aedan, he'll be able to get on and off the bus with his neighborhood friends everyday and get his homework done right away rather than waiting til nighttime. What a break.

We are tentatively planning a trip out to Dutch Wonderland next weekend as an end of summer fun day. We will be out there anyway Saturday night for an adult evening so we'll just sleep over at my parents house and head out to DW from there. Hopefully there won't be any hangovers to deal with in addition the the family fun.

Oh What a Difference a Year Makes

Losing my Mind

I had a great blog idea in my head last night and I get here and I'm ready to type it I have no clue what the heck I was going to write about. I know it was great. How could it not have been. I would have dismissed it immediately had it not been superb. :) I really wish I could remember what it was supposed to be about.

Last night I came inside with my drink in hand, took off my sunglasses did something else, told Chloe to get back outside and then proceeded to go back outside. Five minutes later the Man came out and asked if I meant to throw out my D&G sunglasses. "Um.. no. Why do you ask ?" "Well because I saw them sitting inside the trash can " he says. What the hell am I doing?

I can have a perfectly normal word on the tip of my tongue and then it's gone and I sit there trying to remember what I wanted to say for like 5 minutes. I think I should just get one of those teeny pocket thesaurus and keep tat in my pocketbook so I can refer to it when I have that problem.

Is it just age?? Is it the beginning of a nervous breakdown? It could be the latter due to the mental stress the kids put on me by simply not listening. OK scratch that last part. They are just pissing me off at the moment by talking back and not listening AT ALL. But seriously. I am at a loss for words (hahaha) as to what is going on. Luckily my long term memory is still fully in tact. Gotta keep those birthdays, weights, first steps, first dates , etc all in there because they are really important and where I store my sunglasses.. not so much.

I Need To Moonlight

At the Demolition Derby to get all my recent Road Rage out. It seems to get worse with age. Either that or other people's driving skills have seriously deteriorated in the past 10 or so years.

I have wanted to kill at least one person (and that is putting it lightly) a week on the road. They drive like maniacs cutting me off, speeding and simply ignoring the rules of the road. Simple drivers ed stuff.

Use your godamn turn signal people. Especially if you're gonna cut me off at 70 mph on the turnpike. I might not want to run you off the road if you at least signal before taking off my front bumper.

Drive the speed limit. Not 10 under and not 40 over.

Wait your turn. Don't ride the gravelly shoulder to pass the others that are waiting patiently. Don't pass the people on the onramp on their left and then proceed to BLOCK their entry onto the highway you stupid bitch in the white Murano.

Don't tailgate me dude.. I'm already going 10 over the limit.. you want to go faster feel free to pass me but I won't move for you because you're not the boss of me :) And if you get too close I WILL hit my brakes and cause you to hit me. I'd love to get rid of the minivan. Or better yet.. tailgate and flash the high beams.. that really makes my day.. I may even give you the secret wave on your way by.

And in closing, if you know a certain intersection is busy and has no light and you always need to make a left, strap on a set and go.. don't sit there waiting for a mile long space of no cars because that just makes me want to ram you into the intersection from behind. Otherwise go down the street to the light and make your left. You know it's there. It will take the same amount of time to get there as it does for you to sit here so just do that next time.

thanks and drive safely.

Death and God's Angels

I had to have the conversation with my older kids last night about death. It's the hardest thing I've done in a very long time. I didn't want to do it.

They know that Uncle Tom has been sick for a while. They enjoy visiting him, Aunt Peggy, Sierra, Tommy and Nikki. But I don't think they are ready to deal with death at all. I told them that Uncle Tom may die soon and that we will need to go to his viewing and his funeral and pray. Aedan and Chloe said "You mean Uncle Tom is gonna die for REAL?" I wanted to chuckle and say "No.. It was all a bad joke. Go back to playing." But I couldn't. Because he is dying. For real. So I had to tell them that yes he was for real. And that the cancer that made him sick was too strong and he can't fight it any more.

The conversation that followed with Chloe broke my heart but also made me proud because she does know what kind of man we are losing.

"But what happens when you die?" God makes you one of his angels.
"But how come?" Well because only the best and good people get to be one of God's angels and Uncle Tom is a really good guy right?
"Oh Yes!" Right so he will definitely be one of God's angels.
"And will we get to see him?" No.. but he will get to see you.

She seemed satisfied with that. But I'm not. It's too soon. What about everything he'll miss ? It's not fair.. forget about Life.. Death is not fair. Not fair to his family and everyone else that knows him losing him too soon.

Oh Come Little Children

Let me contribute to the delinquency of the youth of today. Put me in front of a class full of 1st graders and attempt to teach them about Jesus, God and Hell. My own children know all about them. Simply because I yell "Jesus H. Christ, Godamnit and What the Hell " on a daily basis. I'm guessing that is not what the lady had in mind when she called me on Sunday and asked me to teach Aedan's 1st grade CCD class.

The funniest part of this whole situation? I think I want to do it. Yeah. Shoot me dead. I think I'd enjoy it.

There are some serious negatives. It's on a Monday night. After work. You have to have a lesson plan. The Priest and/or other *seasoned* teachers sit in and listen /watch while you teach. I am not a great public speaker at all. In front of a bunch of 6 year olds I'd be OK but geez do the adults have to come by often?? Really? If they have that kind of free time why can't they teach the damn class if they are so hard up for teachers ? There are also lots of meetings and classes etc. that the teachers are required to attend throughout the year.

Then there is that Catholic guilt. Aedan's class needs a teacher. I am his mother. I was asked to do it. So I should do it. One bonus is that I get Aedan's class for free. But does that cover all the stress I'll be dealing with?? I'm not so sure.

It doesn't help that Jim is saying I have enough to do with the 3 kids and my job and the house. But I think to myself that he's just worried he'll have to do more on Monday nights while I'm away.

I'm waffling but leaning more towards the yes side of the waffle. I'll weight the pros and cons a little more and see where I land.

I hate cancer

I hate that I even have to devote a blog entry to cancer. I hate it that much. I has taken so much from myself and the people I love.

The current offender being Stage 4 Glioblastoma multiforme. It has attacked a beloved family member. It came to light last summer around this time and being stage 4 the prognosis was not good. Even after extreme treatment for a year it has continued to grow. Tom has fought with everything he has for his own survival, for himself and for his family. This cancer is just too damn strong.

I pray that he and the family are at peace and can enjoy some time together just filled with love.

We love you Tom.

Vacation Countdown

I so need this vacation this year. I'm physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. So the countdown is on. I have approximately 8 days left before we smell the salty sea air and feel the sand between our toes.

Lists have been made and remade. Snacks and toiletries are being purchased. Laundry is being done. Bedding is being washed and folded . Suitcases are being pulled from closets.

The excitement is brewing and I'm giddy just thinking about the few days off with my babies and the man with no schedule being spent doing whatever we want. One thing that needs to be purchased is a brand new SD card for the camera. I couldn't possibly use an already full one. I'm sure to add a couple hundred more pictures to my already overflowing gallery of family photos and I can't wait.

Summer Session

The days of waking the kids and dragging their butts off to day care are gone for the moment. They get to sleep late. Well at least as late as they care to. Which really isn't late at all. They get to watch some cartoons, color and draw and go swimming. My Mom has been laid off for about a year now so to save me some dough she offered to come to my house and watch the kids for about 6 weeks this summer. I jumped on it. It gives Aedan an actual summer vacation free from running and structure. And did I mention it saves me approximately $300 a week even if I am paying my Mom.

It's only day 2 and I can tell the kids are enjoying it. :) I know I am. It's alot easier not rushing to get them all ready and out the door. And I get home earlier without having that stop at daycare to pick up.

I miss not having them to chat with on the way home and their goofiness in the car but it is only 6 weeks so I guess I can deal with it for now.

The Cutest Parrot

I had forgotten how cute it was when Aedan and Chloe started to really talk and say words and sentences you could understand. Alexa is talking up a storm . She's been talking like crazy for a while but now you can actually have a conversation with her. It's really cute ... but of course as with everything under my roof there is a catch.

She repeats everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. She especially likes the last word of the sentence you mutter under your breath or yell in frustration.

Yesterday I heard Son-of-a-B*tch and last week I heard F*ck Me which was obscured because of the binky that was shoved in her mouth. I really need to control my potty mouth.

Last night she was talking to the neighbor's mother in law telling her "dead deer head, dead deer head" over and over because the other two were discussing a deer carcass we saw on the ride home.

If you ask her where we are going she'll tell you "bagel store" every time and if you ask her what she wants to eat for dinner she'll say "pizza" every time. She can sing her ABC's and also sing Patty Cake. She especially likes the roll it, pat it part :)

Hey. At least she knows what she knows and she likes what she likes :)

Hiatus from Hell

I took a break from blogging. Not really by choice. Life took over. I haven't really had any witty thoughts or funny stories to relay so rather than bore my readers with stupid crap I simply refrained from writing at all.

The transition from school year to summer schedule has been a bit hectic. All 3 kids have been going to day care for the past 2 weeks but that will change at the end of the week. My Mom has been laid off she she will be heading to my house daily to watch the midgets so they can swim and go to the library and have an enjoyable summer without being dragged from their beds at 6 am everyday to go to day care. And also to save me some money. Not that she's cheap but she's a bit cheaper that the center. :)

Aedan had a great year in Kindergarten and is looking forward to full days in first grade. His report card was great and all the comments from the teachers indicate that he is most definitely ready academically for First grade.

Chloe is moving up to Pre-K in September so for part of the summer she'll get some homework just like Aedan has to work on. Gotta keep their little brains working.

We are counting the days til vacation. It's badly needed because we feel like we are constantly going and desperately need a rest with no where to be. With that in mind I'm currently waiting on the courts in Amity Township to let me know when my court date is. See I received my 1st ever speeding ticket 2 weeks ago in a sting operation. How was she going you ask ?? 64 mph. Yeah. I though I was in a 55 zone when in fact it was a 45 .. $157 with 4 points. Buuut... here's the catch.. I happen to know that judge's best man.. so when I get my court date I'll be able to get off with just the ticket fine and no points :) Thanks goodness. With my luck I'll get a day that is smack dab in the middle of vacation and have to travel up from the jersey shore to show up for court. That would not be good.

We all continue to pray for Tom and the rest of his family as these days are extremely hard for them all. Our love and prayers are with them daily.

I think that's all that's new and interesting.. the rest is wiping butts and folding laundry.

Why I oughta

I am exercising my right to not say anything as I have nothing nice to say.

Pipe Dreams

Life isn't fun. I work to make money to pay for things like the roof over our heads and the clothes on our backs. You get the drift. If that were not the case I might just consider alternate career choices. I have 2.

The first is Photographer. I love taking photographs. Preferably of cutsey chubby little people. No not dwarfs. Babies and toddlers and kids. I love taking pictures of kids and babies. I do I do I do.

The second is interior decorating/design. I adore decorating/redecorating a room. When the time and money allow that is. And I don't need alot of money because I sure as hell do not have alot of money. I am happy to hit Target, JCPenney or wherever I find the perfect coordinating piece. That's not to say I can't go to Ethan Allen and other such places if someone requires that of me, I just don't require that of myself :) I have 2 rooms in my house that haven't been finished yet and 2 that need to be redone so I have my work cut out for me. But the rooms that are done look just lovely to me :)

But as the blog is titled.. those are pipe dreams for now because for now I must make a living and not live a dream....maybe someday...

Movin' on Up...

I got yet another pile of papers at pickup the other day. Usually 5 or 6 of Chloe's artistic creations and then the daily report. But Tuesday was a different story.

I got progress reports for both girls going over all the skills they have mastered and what to work on. All good stuff.

Then I got papers that say "I'm Moving Up!". At first I was like wow.. in June ?? Not September ? I suppose.. whatever. So Both girls will transition (part of the day in the new class and part in their current class). Then The following week will be the permanent move.

I'm excited for a few reasons. Chloe is moving to the Pre-School class. I love this part. This is Miss Maggie's class. She is a wonderful teacher and my kids love her. She really gets through to the kids and prepares them well for Kindergarten. I'm very excited for Chloe in spite of the fact that it means she will be in Kindergarten in a year.. I won't go there. I can't go there.

Another reason.. Alexa's new teacher is great too. I get along with her really well and she truly likes my kids . I think Alexa will really thrive in her class.

The last reason I'm excited? My tuition rates drop. I could do a happy dance right now when I think of it. The rates will still be high thru the summer because Aedan will be there but I have a glimmer of the light at the end of the tunnel..

In a couple years, when all 3 kids are in grade school, we are taking a super awesome trip.. thanks to all the day care costs I'll be saving :)

Off to Neverland

I should have gone a year ago but if I get there soon the journey will be worth it. Then they could stay little forever. I'm getting sentimental and yearning for the baby days again. I was loading pictures on to my laptop the other night and just looking at all the wonderful pictures of my babies. When they were born in those 1st few days when it was just me and baby in the hospital. The infant days at home snuggled up in the boppy with me. The sleeping angel baby faces. My heart is gluttonous I guess because I want it all back.

At the ages of 6, 4 and 2 my babies only vaguely resemble babies these days. Which makes me sad and miss the pudgie little baby faces and bald (or close to it) heads. Little sausage fingers and chubby little toes..

I'd go find someone with a baby I can squish but it's not the same as your own babies. I feel as though I'm stealing precious Mommy time when I get my grubby mitts on other people's babies.

I don't want to complain because I'm enjoying their current ages also. I just felt an overwhelming need to procreate when I looked at my baby's face last night and realize she's not a baby anymore.

BABY -



NOT BABY -

Mother's Day

Finally a Mother's Day that didn't involve me locking myself in a bathroom and crying. Instead I cried tears of joy because my Family was so thoughtful.
















I haven't cooked dinner since Thursday night.. I have to say I'm spoiled.. so all I can say is a BIG FAT THANK YOU to my hubs and the kiddies for making my day wonderful. Love you.

Wow.. that's not surprising.

Seems if you bitch and moan and yell you can earn back sick time around here.. after 20 years I'm just learning this. Well maybe it's not a reality for everyone. Maybe the person that does this is the only person that has the balls enough to actually argue with a superior about sick time used. You were out for 2 days after calling in sick. You get 13 days like the rest of us so you should now have (at most) 11 days left. we all get 13 days to use in a year for vacation, sick and personal time. How the F is that Fair ? (Ok.. there's that word again.. Fair. nothing in life is fair) I have seniority and I went from 2 weeks vacation with additional sick time to 13 days .. how the F is that fair ?

The f-ing work force can kiss my white irish ass.

FML

OK.. I get it.. It's sarcasm.. I'm the QUEEN of sarcasm so it's not lost on me. But is it really that bad that you need to say that ?
School?? Wow.. most of us survived..
Some bad news that is simply disappointing and not life threatening ? Don't worry you'll get past it.

Maybe before you put "FML" on your FB status you should think of all the people that won't get past what is currently going on in their lives. The ones who would love to put FML but know it won't change a damn thing.

Suck it up.

Why do I Bother?

I seriously try to do something nice for someone and it just goes to shit before my eyes. Why can't something just fall together nicely and go off without a hitch? Because it's my life and I have Murphy blood running through these veins.

I can feel my blood boiling and I don't see it cooling down anytime soon. So the Happy 60th Birthday dinner that is planned for Saturday may involve bloodshed.

Life, and Death for that Matter, are not Fair

Fair. What exactly does that mean ? Witnessing something that I would label as fair has been extremely difficult. I see no fairness in the world, or at least in my world.

Fair is not living a healthy happy life and not being diagnosed with a brain tumor.
Fair is not going through 2 brain surgeries, loads of chemo, radiation and therapy and the tumor growing back anyway. Fair is not having to miss your children growing up happy and turning into wonderful well adjusted adults. Fair is not being taken from your family way too soon.

We pray and pray and think positively and do everything you're supposed to do and it doesn't make a godamn bit of difference. Shit Happens anyway and there is not a damn thing we can do to change it. That's life. Life is not Fair.

And yet in spite of it all I continue to pray. I pray for peace for those around me most affected. I do this because I'm human and if there is one tiny bit of a chance that my prayers can make a difference then I must do it.

M.I.A.

I sit here almost every day and think to myself "I haven't written the blog in a while" and then I sit and try and come up with something clever and witty to write.. and I get nothing. My mind has been running in 17 different directions lately and I have trouble settling on one thought at any given moment.

We have so much going on in our house and lives lately that I'm finding it hard to stop and take a breath let alone find some time to myself. I've hit that spot that I fall into every so often where I feel as if I'm getting nothing done and that I'm drowning. I will eventually get past it but boy it really sucks while I'm dealing with it.

I need to start making my lists. Lists of things to do. Then I can cross the stuff off the list as I get it done. A rudimentary way of working things but hey it works for me. I like my lists. I live for a nice neat list with check boxes.

So for now I'll just do what I can to keep my head above water and hope things slow down enough for me to catch up.

The Fix is On

The dog is 8 months old. I'd been putting his neutering off simply because of the cost. He has a hernia that he was born with so we can have that fixed as well if we want to shell out more $$. I got a price from our vet for the neutering and it is a base price and then you have to add all these *extra* costs in. I thought the estimate was way high. So I decided to call the Vet down the street. It's amazing the difference in costs. So I decided to go with the new place.

Either way it has to be done like yesterday. He's beginning to hump everything in sight and the kids think it's the funniest thing when he grabs their legs.. ugh..

Hopefully next week he will be singing soprano ..

It's a Free Saturday

When I say free I mean free of obligations. The man is working from 7-12 and then playing in a golf outing so we won't see him til later tonight. I did my massive clean last week so I only have odds and ends and a pickup to run today. It's so nice not to feel the pressure.

The weather will be lovely.. sunny and cool at about 60 degrees. We can play outside and ride bikes and walk the dog. We are already planning on Sonic for dinner since we haven't had that in a while. The Man doesn't like it as much as I do so we don't go too often. I may even attempt the red box again to get a flick for the kids..

I just found the baby with the box of dog treats feeding the dog them one after another...








And so what if she wants Jax for breakfast.. we'll make up for that later today :)

I'm off to do whatever on my free day

Belated Birthday Wishes

OK I suck. Apparently the old adage about the 3rd child being the forgotten one may be true. At least in my case it's not on purpose and rarely happens. I rarely have time to sit and compose this blog while at home so I missed my baby's 2nd birthday post.
A thousand apologies to her. I would say that she probably doesn't mind but from what I'm seeing of the terrible two's it's probably a big deal. The loud and assertive "No!" is proof. The screaming, crying, throw myself on the floor tantrums over a simple piece of candy can make a weathered child care giver run in the other direction.



But then there are those days when she is just her sunny funny bunny self. And you just have to smile when you look at her face and all those tiny little freckles beginning on the bridge of her itty bitty nose. They are probably there as a result of my lax sun-blocking skills but hey they are cute nonetheless. She giggles and puts her hand in front of her mouth when she farts and laughs that belly laugh when she and Chloe are playing. She has a personality all her own and yet I can see bits and pieces of others in there. To say Alexa is stubborn is an understatement, she can be downright bullheaded. I suppose she gets that from me so in that case it's a great personality trait.



I hope she continues to be her own sassy little self and grows up to be the independent young woman I know she can be. No matter how old she gets she'll always be my littlest baby.. So Happy 2nd Birthday Wexa .. Mommy loves you very much.

Real Friends

A Friend I have posted this today and it made me think.

Real Friend

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself(and doesn't feel even the least bit weird shutting your Coke/Pepsi drawer with his foot!)

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend calls you after you had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

The funny thing is I have a bunch of friends that I have never met in person face to face. And yet I would consider them real friends because if I asked any one of them to help out or do the things listed they would in a heartbeat.

So I suppose my point today is REAL FRIENDS can be friends you've never met but love all the same.

HRT .. get some

How can one person be so back and forth and have a bug up their ass on such a regular basis? Seriously.. Maybe it's menopause.. and if that's the case she needs to see her Dr. and get some meds because I won't be the 1st one to give her a black eye as a result of her *friendliness*

ass.

Channeling Imelda Marcos

I have a problem. I have too many shoes. It's not that I'm constantly buying them but I RARELY get rid of any. This is because I have so many that I can't wear any out. When I was younger with no familial obligations I'd spend upwards of $100 on a pair of shoes. Now if I want the expensive ones I put it on my Christmas list for Jim.

I realized I have an issue this morning. I was standing in my closet trying to figure out what shoes I'm going to wear. I look up to the top shelf that's hard to reach and stare at the 20 or so boxes. I see a few boxes and truly can't remember what shoes are in there. So I pull one down and open it up.. WOW! I loved these! I'll wear them today ! perfect. I haven't worn them in over a year probably because I forgot they were up there.

So now I'm wondering what other super cool shoes are hiding up there..

I will be pulling boxes down tonight to at least see what I have and hopefully get rid of some I know I won't wear anymore. :)

Gymnastics Drop out.

I took CHloe to Gymnastics at the end of February so she could try it out and see if she'd like to do it every week until the weather breaks. Once it's nice we are outside ALL THE TIME so running and exercising aren't an issue. Anyway, she enjoyed that first class so I dropped the $75 (class for a month and Registration fee) and the $$ for 2 leotards because she had to have them too.

Jim took her the following week and she had a good time til some little witch told her she was ugly and not pretty. This little person is named Sara.

So last week she had a fever and we come to find out she has strep so she can't go. We'd need a makeup for that one.

Jim takes her tonight for her 2nd official class and she refuses to get into line and join the class. So much so that she started crying and pulling at her face so Jim brought her home. No need to torture the kid . So we eat the $$. We've blown more on exercise equipment that was never used. She comes home and I guess that the only reason she doesn't want to go is because Sara is there. I'm hoping that if we tell her enough that she can't let one mean little person keep her from doing something she likes it will make sense and she'll want to return. Lord.. I hope that lesson kicks in. I really think she liked it.. but because of that one damn girl it's ruined.

March Madness

No the title does not reference my current attitude towards my dear husband and significant other.

I look forward to March Madness every year.. it's the only basketball I care to watch. It's also the only time I really play to win. I drop my $5 in the pot and get a copy of the bracket. Sometimes I print out a really crisp clear one because whomever is running the pool will give out a copy that has been copied way too many times and it usually too small to read. Then I set out to choose my teams. It's a delicate process sometimes and sometimes it's a rushed affair. Either way I am usually in the running at some point which is why I look forward to it. I write it out really neatly and then make a copy for my records.

During the games I keep it handy with my red pen so I can go through and mark my wins and losses. I don't like the man to update it for me because, well let's just say his handwriting leaves a lot to be desired and I don't want a messy pool. I like it neat so there won't be any problems when I claim my winnings.. not that I have had any to claim.. ever.. but still when the day comes I want the paper to be nice and neat.

"The Absence of Teeth" and other captured moments..

Normal

What exactly is normal. I was sure I wouldn't fit into that category. But apparently my CT scan came back as Normal.

I don't feel normal. And most people that know me would say I'm a tad on the abnormal side..

I think the Dr. is a quack.

Waiting Game

Got all my medical tests done on Friday. So now I am just waiting on the Dr. to get the results. Review them and call me. I almost don't want her to call.. I'm worried..

What a pain. I should have just skipped it. Then I wouldn't be stressed. I keep diagnosing myself. My WebMD degree is being used full time these days. I could have an aneurysm, Fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis and a million other things that my wandering mind has conjured up.

All my so-called issues are probably psychosomatic and she'll simply refer me to a shrink.. I guess I shall see soon enough.. But I am positive she'll want and office visit and the $15 copay to discuss that she found nothing. :)

Where does he get this stuff ?

In our rush to get out the door this morning I had the kids ready and at the front door while I ran upstairs to grab a scarf. As I'm approaching the stairs I hear Aedan and Chloe talking by the front door. I stop to listen because the look on Chloe's face shows this is good stuff.

Aedan - "You know what the bad guys do when they steal you? They do this *making a gun with his fingers and points it at her* They want to shoot you and kill you"

Me - " WHAT!!!!!!! (in the loudest scream they've heard this morning First of all .. where did you hear that ?!? That's not true! And 2nd .. What do we do if a stranger tries to talk to us ?? We run screaming away from that person, Right !?" "We never talk to strangers and always remember... big people don't need help from kids for anything so if they say they need help to find their puppy or whatever.. say no and run screaming"

Five minutes later they had forgotten about it but Jesus H Christ... I do not need that crap so damn early in the morning.

I'm bothered

1.. I'm bothered that some little girl told my child that she was not pretty and that she was ugly and I wasn't there to retaliate. I'm bothered that I need to be the bigger person and ignore it.

2.. I'm bothered that a child I have never met is dying. I just cry every time I think about her and her family.

3.. I'm bothered that things bother me so easily.

4.. I'm bothered that I have no will power and can't diet to lose the 20 pounds I need to drop. And I can't justify spending the $$ on a gym membership because I know I'll never find the time to get there. But would love a 1/2 hour to spend on a treadmill or in a spin class. So I have to be happy with my brisk 2 mile walks most nights with my lovely neighbor.

5.. I'm bothered by stupid drivers.

6.. I'm bothered that my son can't sit still and behave during circle time.

7.. I'm bothered when I hear him say he doesn't have any friends and then quickly retracts that statement.. because I think he may really think that. And that makes me sad.

8.. I'm bothered that I can't finish this entry because it's time to go home.

So darn self centered

I realized even as I type this blog about my life that it's all about ME. My FB status, this blog, everything.. In my normal daily life I don't really put myself first at all. At least I don't think I do... I'm too busy putting everyone else first. Making sure everyone in my family is fed, clothed, clean, happy. Using my gift cards to dress the kids in the nicer clothing so when we go out I look like a schlub most days while they are decked in Gymboree etc.

As someone on the outside looking in and using only this blog and FB as a measuring gauge I'd look pretty damn self centered. I'm not.. really.

Beyond my imagination

I cannot fathom the pain that you feel when you lose a child suddenly. But to watch your baby suffer and slowly deteriorate and there is nothing you can do but hold, love and comfort that poor angel is unimaginable. I'm not sure why this one little girl touches me deeply but I cannot help but feel absolutely heartbroken for her and her family.

I came upon the blog about a baby Girl fighting for her life through a FB page referral. The referral said for every FB poster that becomes a fan of the Ruffle butts page $1 will be donated to a fund for Baby Layla Grace. So as most people probably did, I clicked on the blog for this beautiful little girl. And my heart stopped. A baby girl only 3 months or so older than my own sweet baby is dying.
Not a quick painless death, but in fact a long painful death as her family and friends pray for a miracle. She has been fighting Neuroblastoma for 10 months. And after all the surgeries and chemo and radiation and pain meds she is finally at home being loved and snuggled by her Mommy and Daddy until her Lord comes to welcome her into his arms.

Please keep this little angel and her family in your prayers.

http://laylagrace.org/

Calgon.... just kill me.

Don't take me away. Because then I'd have to come back. These kids are driving me to drink.. so on that note I'll be headed to Wegman's today to get the ingredients for the Dirty Hoe. I need a nice pint to savor in peace at home once the kids have gone to bed. It's got my name all over it :)

The kids are bored. I get it. Mommy is busy trying to make this house clean if not presentable yet again. So could you please just sit and do something quiet ? No. You need to run screaming thru the house sounding like a herd of elephants fighting over a dumb balloon.(which cause me to snap mentally and take the balloon and pop it) As I scream at you to be quiet because you might wake the baby.

I am waiting patiently for the days on which we can spend our hours outside socializing with the neighbors and having a few brews while the kids run themselves ragged. Until it is definitely too dark to be hanging because we can no longer see the kids. But Spring seems way off at this point.

So for now I will have to enjoy a beverage and issue timeouts.

"If I only had a Brain"

yeah.. I do. That's the problem. My Brain hurts. I've been seeing way too much of my Dr. lately. I despise forking over the co-pays so I need to be in some serious pain to even schedule an appt.

I go last week because I'm dealing with pain in both ears. In addition I had a splitting headache that 3 motrin only dulled. So I mentioned that to her also. I have fluid in both ears and an infection in the right. OK.. gimme some antibiotics. She asks me questions about my headaches. Yes....I have had them for a while now. No... pain intensity differs from day to day. Oh and I also have random aches and pains that make me feel really old.

So now I have to get some serious testing done.. a long sheet for blood work is the 1st thing to test for myalgias and rheumatoid issues among other stuff. And also a CT scan of my brain to make sure I don't have some sort of aneurysm or tumor or something in there. Loads of fun huh ??

To add insult to injury I can't even go to the radiology center around the corner in the evening some time. I need to go to the hospital between 8 and 3:30 because I have asthma and difficulties with iv's on occasion. I have to take some Steroid kit before the CT scan so I don't have some sort of reaction and die.

Awesome.

And I have to go alone. Even better.

Just do the labotomy and be done with it.

So blind.. (SURVIVOR SPOILER)

I'm only blogging to save the people that haven't watched from having the show ruined. No need to spoil it for everyone..

I just finished watching Survivor Heroes vs. Villains. What the freak happened there? I mean really the Villains can works together and the Heroes cannot ?? There is something seriously wrong there. The Heroes need to check their egos.

With that said.. I cannot understand why no one said "let's get rid of James because he's an ass". He was rude and condescending.. and the previews for next week aren't showing him in a better light at all.. He may just be on the wrong team.

I am loving this season.. lots of drama and the Villains really are nasty. I need it at least twice a week. :)


EDITED TO ADD:

OK.. now that I have some time. Stefanie is a whiner. But I'm not so sure she should have been the one to go at this point.. they need to be a TEAM and work together.. unfortunately.. they won' their egos are keeping that from happening. They are thinking too far down the road when they need to be thinking of winning the group challenges otherwise they won't be around to work their magic near the end.

As mush as I like alot of the Heroes and despise some of the villains I'd like to see Rob win.. He works his ass off and everyone else um... doesn't. Not Sure where Jeri is in this season.. except for showing up looking cute with the hat and red scarf. Courtney (the blonde) can go anytime.. I never liked that one..

I am wondering how Cirie made it to the Heroes side;.. truthfully.. I'd have put her on the other side.. LOL. but hey that's me.. I wouldn't be surprised if she made it pretty darn far.. everyone seems oblivious to her..

Seeing Russell and Rob get to the end and be up against Colby and J.T would be GREAT.. I want Amanda's ass handed to her as early as possible also.. I just don't like her and never have.. maybe she's too sweet for me.. either way, take her out

I'm coming to the realization that I may be on Team Villain when I thought I was rooting for the Heroes.. I suppose we can only wait and see how the cookie crumbles.. Tune in next Thursday ...

Oh what to do.

I've gotten the kids' Easter clothing in. Chloe is very excited to try her dress on and twirl. But wait.. is the zipper broken ? No. It's not going up so easily. Oh No. It's tight. I get it zipped and right around the middle it's a bit snug. I bought her a size 5 because let's face it.. she's no skinny minnie. Which is fine. She is 4 years old. But gosh darn it. A size 5 should not be tight. So now I start to worry about body image and childhood obesity. My mind is racing. What to do.. what to do .. I already have gymnastics class in the works but will that be enough to get her a bit healthier ? She is such a picky eater. Won't touch a single fruit or vegetable. Certain forms of the potato and tomato sauce are the extent of her veggie intake. So we just got her the V8 Fusion to get at least some into her system. I don't want to put her on a diet. Like I said she's 4. And I don't want her thinking she has to be skinny to be happy because that's not true either. She is active enough but her metabolism is ALOT slower than Aedan's which pretty much burns the food he eats as soon as it touches his lips.

I guess all I need to say is I'm worried. I don;t want her to have to deal with weight especially at such a young age. Someone needs to slap me and tell me she;s 4 she's allowed to be a little chubbier.. it's baby fat. I know this.. but the husband keeps pointing out the belly and giving me the concerned looks. Maybe I should just pop him and tell him I will worry when it's necessary. Or else I'll just take her on my 2 mile walks with the dog until it's nice enough on a regular basis to be outside an active again.. ugh... Spring can't come soon enough.

I've spawned an evil genius

Parent-Teacher conference. First thing is first. She hands me a lego star wars little person and tells me she had to take it from him that day. Wait.. that's not his. OK.. I remember him telling me when we got home earlier that his friend left it at Daycare so he took it to school to give it to him. He neglected to inform me that this kid is in like 4th grade and there was no way in hell he'd see him to give it to him at school. He was taking it out of his tote alot and didn't listen the 3 times she asked him to stop. Strike 1.

Then we start on the report card. I was worried with all the WP's but from what she said all those are because they just started learning that stuff and that is what they expect to see. Great. So he's not a slacker. She also says that there are a bunch of things that Aedan has PR's (Proficient) for that puts him ahead of everyone else. They expect the kids to have all PR's at the end of the year. She said "Aedan is extremely intelligent and when he is working he is very accurate and attentive". Also "he has some much potential beyond what he is doing now". So where's the catch you ask ?

His behavior. He is obsessed with fighting and blood and swords and ninjas. Now.. this is news to me because he does not discuss this or draw anything like this at home. Her opinion is that he is intent on getting attention from the other kids and he doesn't care if it's negative. Some of the kids don't play with him because he scares them. She flat out said he is not physically violent or intimidating. He thinks big kids are super cool and wants to be a big kid so bad he tries acting like one to be cool in the eyes of the kids his age. Unfortunately that has brought lying into the equation. He told his friends that he got an Xbox 360 and the game Halo. We couldn't figure out where he heard about Halo. (I'll get back to that) I informed her that we do not in fact have an Xbox or allow him to play such games or watch rated R movies. She figured that was the case but was concerned anyway.

He has most of his issues in circle time. WHen he has work to do at his seat he is fine and concentrates. Once Circle time hits and they are on the floor he starts goofing off.. So I'm considering a stress ball for him to hold while they are in circle time to keep his mind occupied on that and her.. so he doesn't stray. We'll see how that goes.

We have decided to go another route to try and curb this behavior. She will be sending notes home to me every day telling me if it was a good day or a bad day. He will help her decide what the note says before he leaves.

Oh and I found out the next day that a kid (also a Kindergartener) has a Lego Halo fighter jet thingy in his cubby.. Nice. Now I know where the Halo obsession came from. I informed Aedan that only people that are 18 and older can have Halo stuff. Because it is not for kids at all.

lordie.. what's next ??